


Wooof!

by 1lostone



Series: Lost's Trek Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: I Don't Even Know, Please don't read this while under the influence, Sorry?, crackfic, i just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/pseuds/1lostone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk goes missing during a disturbing number of away missions.  Don't worry. Spock has a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wooof!

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by tumblr user Sass-trash: based on this comic by **adestroy** : [ http://adestroy.tumblr.com/post/65062017341/in-case-you-havent-seen-the-glorious-spock](http://adestroy.tumblr.com/post/65062017341/in-case-you-havent-seen-the-glorious-spock) . (please please make sure you look, ~~like, reblog,~~ because it's perfect and this story barely makes sense as is, but it will _definitely_ make no sense if you haven't seen the comic first!

The sound of the lift doors sliding open eighteen-point-three seconds after the start of Alpha shift was not, in of itself, troubling. The fact that Ensign Cam barrelled through, red shirt ripped, hair in a wild disarray, and showing signs of a phaser fight, was.

“ **MR. SPOCK** ,” xe yelled, brown eyes wide with alarm... and a little fear. The two returning members of the away team had had done the best two out of three with Paper, Rock, Scissors, and Ensign Cam had gotten the dubious honor of informing the Commander that his Captain hadn’t made it back from the away planet. It was a terrifying duty.

Spock, who knew that only one thing could cause that level of panic in an ensign, drew himself up to his full height and turned to stare at zir, preparing himself mentally for the rest of the report.

“ **THE CAPTAIN.... HE JUST** **_VANISHED_**!”

Spock’s eyes narrowed. He began to shake as what remained of his hard-wrought Vulcan control shattered. Spock threw his head back and bellowed his rage, bringing his hands up to his Starfleet-approved Science blues.

The sound of ripping material echoed through the Bridge.

Underneath the blue uniform shirt was something given to Spock for his tenth anniversary- an anachronistic device that Jim had assured Spock was vital to all successful marriages. In Earth’s twentieth century, it was known as a ... t-shirt. This shirt, however, had his beloved’s face on it.

The echos of an enraged Vulcan caused the Ensign to step to the side of the lift, prudently moving out of the way.

Xir noticed that all of the remaining bridge crew, Dr. McCoy included, reached under their chairs and brought out some sort of device. It appeared to be a helmet. Xir frowned. The helmets didn’t _look_ like Starfleet regulation, but Scotty was always inventing new things.

Once Spock settled his on his ears, the Ensign could see that Spock cocked his head, as though he were listening.  McCoy, sighed, and in passing handed xir a helmet. Xe put it on, settling comfortably and adjusting the little chinstrap.

Even more troubling, was that all of the crew wearing helmets looked to Spock’s chest.

Even _more_ troubling: the ensign could _clearly_ see that on the t-shirt, the Captain’s mouth was moving, speaking to Spock.

Xe blinked, and jerked the helmet off xir’s head, rubbing xir's eyes. Xe almost missed it when Spock slammed his hand down on his console, and several t-shirts seemed to float down to the crewmembers, all of which scrambled to put the shirts on over their uniform shirts. Lieutenant Uhura’s went almost to her knees, and was longer than her uniform skirt.

  _Beep! Booop! Beeepboooopbeep!_

The others wearing the helmets all nodded.

“Spock, are these outfits _really_ necessary to find Jim?”  Dr. McCoy’s drawl was even more pronounced as he looked doubtfully down at his shirt.

Beginning to wonder if xe had been transported to another dimension again without any of the senior officers bothering to tell the ensigns and non-commissioned officers that worked on the ship, xe slowly set the helmet back onto xir’s head.

“ **YES** ,” bellowed t-shirt Captain Kirk.

The Ensign’s eyes widened even further.

“Use the helmets! Triangulate the signals! Find the Captain! Uhura, get me more redsh-- er. _Ensign_!”

Spock didn’t seem to be acting particularly stoic _or_ logical, but then again, it was his captain that was missing.  He stalked over to where the Ensign stood, back to the wall.  Xir, who was staring at the t-shirt that spoke to xir out of the side of xir’s eyes, like one would do when they were particularly nervous about something (In this case, talking, formerly inanimate, objects of clothing. ), didn’t notice.

“Are you ready to help find your captain? We must go immediately!” He held out something in his hand that made the Ensign raise one eyebrow. It looked to be a harness of some sort, with a lead that Spock gripped firmly in his hand. The lift doors _swooshed_ open, and there stood the remains of Ensign Cam’s away team staring at the enraged Vulcan with identical looks on their faces that just screamed ‘exhausted resignation.’

“Don’t be afraid. I’m actually quite helpful. It’s just easier this way, believe me. I’ll tell you where to go, you go, Spock follows and finds me and voila. We’re done and back to my ship in time for supper.” The James T. Kirk on the t-shirt winked and smirked a little, like supper was the most desirable outcome here.

Xir gulped.  Spock reached forward and did something to the helmet’s controls.

“Put this on, please.”

The ‘please’ made it seem a _little_ less like a direct order.  Xe put the harness on, handing the lead to Spock without speaking.  

There was a ‘beeepbooppBOOOP’ from the helmet, and in the next blink, xe noticed that xir and xir former ensigns were all rather adorable Vulcan puppies. They had tiny, perfect teeth, pointy ears, and their helmets had transformed to make them look like they had Vulcan haircuts.

And the smells!  Xir could tell immediately who had been where, and who had eaten what for lunch- and who kept kibble in their pocket. Xir’s tail wagged hopefully.

Spock nodded, satisfied. He tugged on the three leads, and made his way through the ship to the transporter pad.

As soon as they materialized onto the planet, Cam sniffed near a mountain, peed on a tree, then caught a whiff of the manliest, most perfect scent that had ever existed. Xir froze, nose wiggling in barely restrained glee.

“ ** _GO, MY VULCAN HOOOUNDS!_ ** ” Spock’s cry split the night. Cam had to rely on xir training not to bark along with him.  In some ways, xe had been preparing her entire life for this moment. Xe barked twice, heard xir fellow ensigns  answer back (all had red collars- something that xe thought was significant, but was too focused on that glorious scent to remember why)...

  
.... and off they went!

 

:D


End file.
